For most of us, when we are asked what we want in life we have some general answers that reflect our desire for happiness, “I want a good relationship” or “I want a fabulous job” and yet when it comes down to it, we are often unwilling to suffer the pain that comes from uncertainty, from risking our vulnerability with a partner or a new job, from the hard work required to create the realities that we claim to want.
Our modern culture is immersed in INSTANT gratification and touts our happiness as a spiritual goal. As a consequence we have zillions of products, self help books and activities designed to alleviate suffering, get exactly what we want and fix discomfort.
It only makes sense; we’re hard-wired to avoid pain. An important question arises: are we ready to embrace discomfort or hard knocks, or are we so inclined to have things our way that when the inevitable let-down happens, we’re clueless?
Sometimes this pain avoidance creates a system in which we get STUCK in the very pain we’re trying to avoid. Instead of allowing ourselves to grieve, feel afraid, or hurt, we may try to avoid difficult feelings instead of dealing with them head on and allowing ourselves to move through these painful emotions to the next steps in our lives. We may fail to hear the instructive message pain is bringing, or we may hold on to familiar pain to avoid being hurt by something unfamiliar.
When we approach spirituality or psychic, intuitive advice, it’s often because we are reflexively trying to avoid pain or to “fix” bad feelings. Sometimes, though, a more powerful use of spiritual answers is not to FIX or eradicate pain (because this is not always possible) but to learn how to view the role of pain in our lives in a way that empowers us and find ways to put them to work for us so we can move forward as well as find answers and solutions to problems.
Discomfort, pain and misfortune is reality of life that none of us can escape. Things will not, and cannot, always go our way. Learning to deal with disappointment or discomfort is essential to emotional well-being and in creating a bridge between what we want, and the real life realities of getting there.
For example, say you want to go from being a doughy, couch-potato to having a fit, athletic physique. In order to get there, you will face some discomfort in working out, building new muscle fibers, creating new growth, changing old habits, and changing your diet. If you aren’t willing to go through the discomfort of the process, nothing will change. And because nothing comes without some effort, even POSITIVE change brings some discomfort.
Say you want to have a loving and communicative relationship. That too will bring some discomfort when you challenge your fears of exposure or vulnerability, when you let yourself be truly open and when you venture those first connections of dating and getting to know someone new. Then, when you DO have a relationship, discomfort will come when you create new fibers and new habits of connectivity and communication. You might have misunderstandings, ego-blow outs, and hurt feelings along the way.
The fearful part of our ego sees pain as something “bad” so that it’s more tempting to give up, to lose faith, to feel defeated or to stop trying. But if we truly want to change, we can see discomfort as part of PROGRESS and use it as a signal to foster new growth, a messenger “something is changing and its asking me to change too” – it’s a POSITIVE part of the cycle of change.
Some powerful and empowering questions to ask are:
- “What is this pain telling me?”
- “How can I see my PROGRESS in this process ?”
- “How can I fully experience this emotion so I can move on?”
- “How can I go from complaining about something to acting on new choices to change my situation?”
When it comes to empowering questions to ask intuitively, those that help you assess what your choices and responsibility are will help you transition through painful periods and learn from them. An ethical astrologer, reader or coach will guide you in this process and help you find ways to deal with disappointment or hurt.
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