Cheating. Who is really to blame? Ask anyone that has recently suffered the pain of a betrayal and they will almost certainly level the blame at the ‘other’ person.
But is that fair? When two people agree to monogamy, they make that agreement with one another. When someone steps outside of that commitment, it is they who have chosen to break that agreement.
The ‘other’ person may not even be aware, may have been mislead or may be fully aware and not care, but whatever the case may be, they are not the ones who made a commitment to you. They owe you nothing.
So why is blame laid with them?
Denial: Realising that the person that you love has strayed is painful. People in healthy, happy, loving relationships do not just wake up one day and decide to pursue someone else. There are always reasons. But exploring those reasons can sometimes lead to the end of the relationship.
Blaming the outside love interest diverts the attention away from the cracks in the relationship and allows one to lay blame elsewhere, so that the relationship can continue. This is of a course a ‘stay of execution’ rather than a resolution, and can often lead to the affair continuing, being rekindled at a later date or being replaced with another indiscretion.
Support for this kind of ‘blame throwing’ will also be abundant. When you tell friends and family that your partner cheated on you, their instinct will be to support you and join you in blaming the outsider.
Disruption: When a relationship ends it is never as simple as two people breaking up. Children, extended family and mutual friends are all impacted. Changes in finances, housing, schools, jobs and many other aspects of day to day life can be dramatically impacted.
When your life no longer resembles the life you had before the affair, the temptation to blame the other person for everything can be overwhelming. But that person was not committed to you. They did not promise you anything, they are not responsible for your happiness and they may also be suffering as a result of your partner attempting to lead a double life.
Very few people pursue a love a interest by stating that they are married, that they have no intentions of leaving their partner, and that you are nothing more than the bit on the side. There is almost always a suggestion of unhappiness and a desire / promise to leave when the time is right. That is the hook.
Looking the other way: In some instances, turning a blind eye to your partner’s outside activities can be the very thing that holds your relationship together. Money, children and social factors can all play a part in remaining in a committed relationship.
When a ‘third party’ asks when their love interest will leave their partner, I often find myself explaining why this is unlikely to ever happen. An affair can often be the thing that allows a marriage survive. If needs that are not met within the marriage can be fulfilled outside of it, the relationship does not need to break up.
This arrangement can be mutually beneficial to all involved, but it can also backfire if anyone is being mislead. When an angry mistress reveals an affair to an unsuspecting wife, she will of course look like the aggressor, but is it really fair to lay all the blame with her?
When someone betrays you, they had a choice. They knew exactly what they were doing. They were aware of the risks. They considered the consequences and made the choices that lead you to where you now find yourself.
The root of the problem lies with them. They betrayed you. Even if the third party was fully aware of the circumstances, they were not committed to you. They did not break any promises. They owed you nothing.
I am available for live sessions at affordable rates, payable through PayPal in UK pounds. My fees are £50 for an hour or £35 for 30 mins.
At this time I am offering readings by appointment only. Please send me a message below, or through my sidebar on the right. I’ll send you an invoice for the session ahead of time and we can choose a time that works best for you.