This week’s question comes from a client who has been in a long distance relationship for the past 7 months.
Things have been going well and even though they live in difference countries, they’ve made time to see each other at least twice a month.
But a recent death in the family prompted her to reach out to him, hoping he would be there for her when she needed him. Not only did he not come, he didn’t seem supportive at all.
She felt that he was annoyed with her for “expecting him to drop everything” and ended the conversation on a sour note.
There’ve been other incidences over time that she’s overlooked. Times where he’s seemed emotionally disconnected or aloof. But this one one really hit home, as she felt that he wasn’t there for her when she needed him most. And she’s wondering now whether this is an indication of what’s to come.
They had planned ultimately for him to move to her country and get past the long-distance obstacle, but now she wonders whether that is even the real problem.
Her question is whether she needs to give this relationship more time or just cut her losses and run!
This week JuliAnne (Genuine Guidance) takes a look at her question, using a combination of horary astrology and their natal charts. Here’s her response:
Hi there and thank you for your question, I’m looking at the horary chart first and then will look at your natal charts. A horary chart is a chart that is cast for the moment a question is asked. Here is yours:
In a question like this, we take the 1st house and its ruler to represent you; the 7th house and its ruler to represent your boyfriend. The Moon is your co ruler and can time events if needed.
In this horary chart, we have Virgo rising, so, Mercury in Gemini in the 9th house is your ruler and represents you in the question. The 7th house has Pisces on the cusp, so, Jupiter in Leo in the 11th shows the boyfriend. I practice traditional horary, so, Neptune does not rule Pisces in this form of horary. The Moon in the chart is in Scorpio, in the 2nd house.
First, we look at how the two rulers involved are aspecting each other. An aspect just means what sort of connection (if any) they have in the chart. In this case, we have Mercury, which is you, moving towards a sextile aspect to Jupiter (him). A sextile in horary shows an opportunity that may be present. But, it is important to note that it is YOU who is moving towards HIM and not the other way around.
To me, this shows that if this were to get back on track, you are going to be the one who takes the initiative. Mercury (you) in Gemini is strong, but, you are accidentally in detriment due to being in the 9th house – this house is ruled by Sagittarius, which makes a hard aspect to Mercury’s two ruling signs: Gemini and Virgo.
With your ruler in the 9th, a house that deals with faith, I get a sense as though you may feel your disappointment in his actions is deserved, as you would have certainly made an effort to be by his side if he had the same experience occur. But, the 9th house can also be a house of righteous indignation – and when I see your ruler there as well as having the Virgo ascendant, I get a sense that you come from a place of “doing the right thing” or “taking care of business”.
With his ruler, Jupiter being in Leo, he may not have this same drive. His ruler is also squared by the Moon in this chart. The Moon is an emotional indicator in astrology – and being in a hard aspect, which is what a square is, shows that perhaps he may not be one who deals with emotional challenge too well. Being in a fixed sign (Leo) his ruler also is not going to be pushed into doing something he doesn’t want to do. He has to feel he is the one who came up with the idea!
The next thing we look at is receptions between the rulers. Mercury (you) receive Jupiter (him) in face as well as detriment. Being in the reception of face can have you fearing that you may lose the relationship over this, and can also indicate your fear that he may repeat this behavior when times get tough. With Mercury receiving Jupiter via detriment, this can be a tough reception, because in his mind, you may be working against him. He may feel he cannot make you happy in this situation. With his ruler in prideful Leo, he may not want to admit that his lack of support was wrong.
In this chart, the Moon was placed not only in its fall but the 2nd house. A planet in fall just means it is opposite the sign where it rules and can express itself easily. The 2nd house rules self-esteem and how one feels valued. So, with the Moon placed in the intense sign of Scorpio here, this side of you may have taken a hit by his actions. His ruler, Jupiter, does not receive Mercury (you) at all, so, in your question about him “backtracking” and trying to make amends, I don’t feel he is going to be the one who will forgo the ego and do this.
The Moon is also as said before, moving to make a square aspect to his ruler, Jupiter. A square aspect shows obstacles that would need to be overcome. Since the square occurs in fixed signs, it may be a very difficult road to get him to budge. With your ruler, Mercury in Gemini a mutable sign, which is more flexible in nature, this again shows you being the one to “do” something, whether that be adapt to this side of his personality or decide that you would like a partner who is more attentive in times of crisis.
The angles on the chart are mutable as well, showing that there would be some changes and the situation would not necessarily stay stagnant, but all of the rulers involved in the question go back to Mercury (you) by disposition, which to me again, shows that you would be the one who would have to do more of the work to keep it together.
Looking at your natal charts, it was interesting that not only was his ruler in the horary, Jupiter in Leo, but he IS a Leo! If he was born near 6am as stated, he would also have a Leo 1st house or ascendant. His Sun would be in the 12th, which is a hidden house, and one where he may pull out or even hide if he is feeling overwhelmed by something.
This is also seen when we look at his natal Moon. The Moon shows how we cope with emotional situations, and his is in Gemini making an aspect to Uranus. With the aspect to Uranus, there could be a sudden cut off when it comes to emotional response. In the sign Gemini, you may even be a bit shocked by this, as being in a dual sign, he certainly could give indications of an emotional nature, especially since his Moon also aspects Jupiter. But these would be infrequent, sudden or even over the top, especially if he felt as though he was being attacked and this would get someone to back off!
What I found interesting is that his Venus, ruler of relationships in general, is under some stress in his chart at this time and could be why you and he hit a rough patch. Transiting Neptune is opposing his Venus, which actually activates his natal Venus/Neptune square in his chart. Those with Venus/Neptune aspects tend to be idealistic when it comes to romance or partnerships, they may do fine until there is some dark or difficult side that shows in their partner or the relationship. When things get “real” it may shatter their illusion or fantasy of that person or how the envisioned their romance to be.
This transit can also show that he may be feeling a bit lost or not sure when it comes to how he wants to proceed in the relationship. With you saying you had argued, and it seems over but not officially, makes perfect sense with him having this Neptune transit to his Venus – there are no boundaries with Neptune and often I have seen this type of aspect when people just sort of drift away from each other. It often leaves one of the pair questioning, “What just happened!?”
He will also have transiting Saturn move up to aspect his Venus as well in the next 6 months. So, if you two do end up splitting for now, this type of transit could bring him back into your life. It is often said that if a couple can make it through a Venus/Saturn transit, they are more likely to be able to stick together, as Saturn brings lessons and cold reality to the surface.
Your natal Moon is in Sagittarius at 29 degrees, which is considered an Anaretic degree. Those who have natal placements at 29 degrees often cannot “get enough” in regard to whatever planet it is. Your Moon also opposes Mars and is in the 12th house. So, this does not mean you are an overly emotional person necessarily, but, that when you do have emotional response, it may be quick and to the point.
Your natal Moon placements also make a square aspect to each other, which shows that the two of you would handle emotions differently. With him, it may be inconsistent, with you, it may be expressed in a big way and passionately due to the opposition to Mars.
It is interesting that your horary ruler, Mercury was in the 9th house, a house ruled by Sagittarius, and you are asking about an emotional issue and how it was handled! Your natal Venus is also being aspected by transiting Saturn, which can show a separation, coldness or feeling distant from a partner. Your secondary progressed Venus is exactly with your natal as well as progressed Pluto and they are aspecting your natal Neptune. This can show power struggles within a relationship and a feeling that the rug may have been pulled out from under your feet.
This Venus/Pluto conjunction was affected by the lunar eclipse, which probably brought to light an issue that was laying under the surface and would have been a bone of contention sooner or later. This would be seen by your natal Mars in Gemini conjunct his natal Moon – this aspect in synastry (comparing two natal charts planetary placements) can often have the Moon person (him) feeling as though the Mars person is pushing them to feel something when that may not be their nature. It can also be an aspect of getting one’s feelings hurt or feeling that their emotions are not being recognized.
This aspect between your charts also kicks your own natal Moon/Mars opposition off, and his presence in your life may have been to confront and face how you handle emotions when you feel let down. There is more to this that has to do with other things the Moon represents, but this gives you an idea.
You are going through some major shifts and changes in your life right now as transiting Pluto is crossing your ascendant or 1st house and when this occurs, it can feel as though you are being challenged at every turn. The reason this is occurring is that Pluto is the planet of transformation and regeneration – it often accompanies a time when you may need to let go of or release people or things that are no longer working for you in a positive way.
Your secondary progressed Moon is at 28 degrees of Taurus right now – getting ready to change sign into Gemini in the next 2 months. The 28th degree of Taurus is a tough one as it is conjunct the fixed star the Pleiades or Weeping Sisters. The Moon rules your relationship 7th – and being activated soon by transiting Saturn moving back into the sign of Scorpio and opposing it, may show an end to this romance as you had hoped it would be.
Now, here is something interesting, that can show why people tend to be in each other’s lives at the time they are: his secondary progressed Moon is in Sagittarius! It is moving up to conjunct your natal Moon (ruler of your 7th of relationships!) in the next 6 months. What I feel this shows is a reinforcement of the Saturn transit that you both would be having to your natal Venus placements in Virgo!
Even though there has not been a declaration of “it’s over!” this type of aspect to me shows that you may be involved or at least giving it a shot over the course of the next 6 months. By then, his secondary progressed Moon will move off your Moon and the Saturn to Venus transit will be close to exact for him – but over for you.
Saturn will move retrograde (backwards) in 2016 to aspect his Venus in Virgo yet again into next Spring/Summer, so this may show things lingering still at that time. With his secondary progressed Moon aspecting your chart as it is, it only reinforces the hard aspect between your natal Moon placements and shows that more than likely you two were brought together to learn something about handling emotions or understanding the others emotional reactions.
So, in short, it seems the charts are showing that there is still opportunity there, albeit you may be the one putting forth the effort to get things back on track, and that the next 6 months seem pivotal as far as you both being able to understand where the other is coming from.
Saturn may have you both “revisiting” the relationship. I also looked at his chart for indicators that he may make a move and didn’t see that occurring. Transiting Saturn has been traveling through his 4th house and opposing his natal Mars, co ruler of his 4th house. Mars in his chart is in the 10th, so it makes sense that he may have felt at odds with picking up and moving in relation to his career being on track as the 10th rules the career.
Transiting Saturn is not going to move back far enough when it goes retrograde again to hit Mars, which to me may show him not being ready or willing to make a move. Even if we take transiting Pluto as the ruler of the 4th (home) it will not move back far enough to aspect his natal Pluto in Libra to bring about a move.
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Wow! What an in depth reading and a very full answer to the question. Thank you so much for your insights. I left it a little while before commenting to see what’s happened so I could report back. There was talk of it ‘being over’ but it didn’t really officially happen and we both backed off for a while. When we were able to come back together and talk about it, I explained my hurt feelings and he told me that he hadn’t thought it was essential to be there as it wasn’t immediate family. I let him know that it wasn’t his place to make that judgement and sometimes, in some families, friends can be more important than a parent so he needs to listen rather than assume the level of someone else’s grief. He realised how insensitive this seemed and apologised.
I think the relationship was in the honeymoon stages when we talked about living together and I think he genuinely thought it’d be easier than it is to move. I’m still hopeful that he will make the move but appreciate that it’s a big step (having moved country myself) so am prepared to give it a little longer. I think I just have to forget the hopes I had at the beginning, as in retrospect they were unrealistic. I’ve backed off some more and will leave it to him to make the moves in making arrangements to see each other and just see how it goes for now. The reading was so interesting and so accurate in how things have played out and his character assessment was him all over.
Thank you for taking the time to do this reading and it’s made the decision to hold out easier to make.
Thank you for your feedback on the reading! It is good that you were able to let him know how you felt about his actions, and that he understood and let you know he was coming from a different perspective. I think that may be attributed to the Moon aspects between your charts – you both may handle this sort of thing in different ways, so, he learns from you and you from him! Keep us updated on how things evolve!