It all starts innocently enough. At first you may share glances of humor, secretly laughing at a co-worker or work environment. Then small conversations, or quips, and jokes turn into long and serious conversations. Then you can’t wait for work to start so you can see each other again. Slowly the conversations turn into caresses, and then passionate moments in the break room or long lunches at a motel room. The connection is unbelievable because you seem to be in sync at every moment. All seems well, you feel you finally found your soulmate after a long search, except for one thing, he is married.
He may have told you his wife is sick, or his kids are too young, or he is saving up for divorce. He may tell you that no one could ever love you as passionately and completely as he does. But remember, this is an “affair” and affairs are passionate no matter what, that’s why they are called “affairs.” After about a year or two, or more, he may ask you to be patient just a little bit longer. The moment is not right to leave his wife and family for you. Not that you want that, you just want him to love you with the same dedication that you love him.
Yet days pass, months, years and you are still the “other woman.” And each day that passes you start to see that maybe this is not going to happen after all. That maybe you made a mistake in loving a married man. And if you are listening to your inner voice about all this you are correct.
I’ve been doing psychic and tarot readings for over 40 years and I’ve seen it all when it comes to relationships. In all this time, and after countless of sessions of women asking if their married man will ever leave his wife, I have never seen it happen. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I have heard of some people divorcing their spouses and marrying each other, some work, and some end in divorce. But I have not personally seen a single woman end up with her married man. This leads me to believe that at least 98% of the women in affairs, remain single after the affair is over.
So how do you end such a toxic relationship? How to you move on and take your life back again? Being the other woman doesn’t work for you, but moving on can be so tough. You may have become used to the routine of the affair. Having to hide comes as natural to you as drinking water. How can you stop your heart from beating loudly as you anticipate his phone call or arrival?
Well it’s not easy but you can do it. You have to put on your big girl pants, or look within you for the armor and strength you need to let him go. Because if you don’t let him go, you’ll continue to drown in a sea of anguish and ultimate loneliness. Without him you can be free to attract someone who is totally available to you. Here are a few steps to help you stop being the other woman.
- Cut him out of your life, block his phone number, and ask him to leave you alone. You may have already tried this and he still comes after you begging to take him back. But you must be persistent and strong not falling for his usual lines.
- Look for another job. If you work together you may want to consider finding another job. It may be a challenge, or you may not want to change jobs, but you can do it and actually find something better for yourself in the long run. Just take your time and make your exit strategy.
- Remind yourself that if he cheated on his wife, chances are he’ll cheat on you too. Some men just can’t help themselves. Even if others have never cheated on their wife, and you were the first, there is STILL a chance it would be hard to trust him. Without trust there is no true love.
- Look at yourself in the mirror daily and remind yourself you are not a bad person. You are wonderful and fabulous and it was he who was bad to you and his wife. Let go of any guilt you associated with this affair. Guilt can ruin a perfectly good day, let it go, it serves no purpose.
- Develop an outside interest, get out there and love life again. Pick up a hobby and meet up with friends or people who are interested in the same things. You don’t have hide anymore and that’s liberating in itself!
Being in love with a married man is a painful and complicated ordeal, and something you know you don’t deserve. There is no positive reason to remain with him either. As his “mistress” you are an accomplice of his deceit to his wife and family. The longer you stay with him the easier you make it for him to have you and go home to his wife at the end of the day. You are enabling him to stay married by being “there” when he needs you. Most importantly you are wasting your youth, your life and your love on someone who may say you are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him, but who will NEVER give you the love and respect you deserve. Think of it that way, and you’ll begin to see the light and direct your love energy and focus to something or someone else who is by far more available.
Recommended reading!
A world-renowned therapist, Mira Kirshenbaum has treated thousands of people caught in the powerful drama over what to do when an affair rocks their emotional lives. Now, in When Good People Have Affairs, Kirshenbaum puts her unsurpassed experience into one clear, calming place. She leads readers through six easy-to-navigate steps that will take anyone from anxiety to clarity, and identifies seventeen types of affairs, helping readers figure out which type they’re in and what it means. When Good People Have Affairs will be a lifeline to any man or woman who feels caught between two lovers, and its insights are indispensable to anyone else touched by an affair.
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She is also a master Tarot Reader and has been reading cards and practicing in the metaphysical arts for more than 40 years.
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